• Any man worth his salt wants his son to grow up to be a real, godly man. But only the few achieve that. Why?
• By Ron FraserFeb. 21, 2018

• Growing up in the immediate post-war years had its advantage in that society was generally not confused over gender roles. Men were to be masculine and women to be feminine. That was generally unquestioned in Anglo-Saxon society in the 1940s and 50s. As a consequence, men and women generally reflected the time-worn attributes of their sex by the way they spoke, dressed and comported themselves socially.
• At the schools I attended in the ’40s and 50s, no one was labeled as being a “queer,” nor did I not know of any of my fellow students having parents affected by divorce.
• How times have changed.
• By the time my eldest son went to high school in the ’70s, half of the youth in his class came from families where divorce had dislocated the family structure. It took just one generation to achieve that infamy in Anglo-Saxon society.
• Another generation later, the principal of one of Australia’s most prestigious schools was forced to permit a student to attend the annual prom with his male “date.”
• We are witness today to a great confusion which has set in with respect to the meaning of marriage and family and the definitions of traditional gender roles in society at large.
• The result is that few truly know what it means to be a realman or to be a real woman as God designed and intended us to be. The fallout has drastically affected the ability of men in society to  To lead effectively in any institution, be it marriage, family, a corporate situation, a military role or any responsible function in society at large.
• Indeed, the reality is that we are today living out the legacy of this mass confusion of God-given roles in fulfillment of the prophecy contained in Isaiah 3:2-3.
• Note that God prophesies that it will be the traditional male roles that will disappear in our day.
• But we, in the Church, are called into God’s Family to recapture true values—to be educated in all things restored to the Church through a latter day, 20th century Elijah (Matthew 17:10-11), revived through a latter day prophet and apostle in this 21st century.
• So it is that we shall look closely throughout the remainder of this article at the God-given role of the male—how to recaptureit, reinforce it and perpetuate it, generation to generation.

·         Cause and Effect

• How did the denigration of masculinity start?
• We live today in a greatly feminized society.
• It really started in Anglo-Saxon society with what Gertrude Himmelfarb calls in her masterful treatise “The De-moralization of Society” the “new” men and “women” of the 1880s and 1890s.
• As in the Garden of Eden with the first attempt at “liberalizing” woman, the move to change God-given gender roles started with a certain kind of woman which Himmelfarb describes as wanting “more by way of liberation than bicycling, smoking, or reading risqué books—who sought nothing less than sexual liberation.”
• Since those early women’s lib proponents of the latter 19th and early 20th century, the feminist lobby has steadily pushed and prodded its way into the traditional male realms of yesteryear, invading and in some cases even coming to dominate them.
• This is the age of women—whom God made, deliberately, the physically weaker sex—competing with men, and to their shame, at times beating them even in traditional male physical activities.
• The recruitment of women into our armed forces in combat roles is, perhaps, not only the worst case scenario in this respect, but also the very worst of examples to our young men and women in terms of gender role destruction.
• Common sense should tell us that the normal physical structure of the male body as God designed it casts him naturally in the role of physical protector of the woman, who is naturally created without the muscle mass that is distributed over a male frame. So what does the perversity of feminism do to counter this natural phenomenon?
• It encourages women to go off to the gym in an effort to develop manly abs and biceps.
• In a better age, women’s sport was quite different to that of the man.
• Today the women want to play to men’s rules. Not only that, they want to play likethe men!
• In the most extreme cases, such women even change their natural affection for a perversion of their sexual role (Romans 1:22-26).
• In the corporate world, women have “muscled” their way into the boardroom and in many cases have taken over the traditional male role of ceo.
• A book I have on my shelf espousing effective corporate management techniques, written by a male theorist, even substitutes “she” and “her” for the traditional male form of addressing a theoretical corporate leader.
• All of these trends have led to the increasing isolation of real, strong, masculine leadership in our society as a blanket of feminization has descended over it.
• Why has this happened?
• Armstrong told us why. He said repeatedly that when the male fails to lead, the woman will seek to take over. As already intimated, it’s as old as the account of Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden.
• It’s high time that men recaptured their true, God-designed role—and taught their sons their true role!

·         Home Presence and Physical Activity

• By the very nature of things in our society, it is the woman who spends most of the day with an infant son.
• In a normal situation today, Dad is off most of the time the sun is out, working at his job to support the family. He has but a brief window of time each weekday evening to spend with the children before their bedtime.
• There are two vital activities in which Dad ought to be involved with the family in this brief slice of time—being at the head of the table to command the evening meal time conversation, and taking the opportunity after the meal, before bedtime, to fulfill his role as teacher of the children.
• Here is Dad’s opportunity to become the children’s hero, as he tells of lessons learned through his own boyhood exploits, reads to them of the achievements of bygone heroes—not the least those heroes of the Bible—and comports himself as leader of the family. It is also a time to demonstrate the tenderness and warmth of his relationship as leader and protector of the mother, his wife, by the manner in which he relates to her in front of the children.
• Sons need to see and have a right pride in the strength and accomplishments of their dad. He ought to become their hero. It is the manly example of a manly father that is the greatest attribute he possesses in teaching his son to grow up to be a man in the truest sense of the word.
• Here, sport can be a great opportunity to not only exhibit Dad’s own manly strengths but to teach them to his son.
• Be it a backyard game of “footy,” or cricket as it was in my days Down Under, or manning the basketball hoop, or hitting a baseball in the park with dad in America, or perhaps kicking that round ball about in father-and-son soccer matches in other lands—taking the time to teach a sporting approach to the game as well as teaching basic skills are moments a son will never forget. Those opportunities build the male bonds of father-son companionship that can last a lifetime.
• One of the great challenges to today’s fathers is to powerfully resist the overwhelming tendency of society at large to become fixated on a video or computer screen for great portions of the day.
• Developing a love of the outdoors, of outdoor activities in the fresh air and sunshine, is not only healthy, but, if exposed to such situations often from infancy, the joy that a son may gain from such exposure will serve well to counter the barrage of confusion and self-centeredness with which social media will seek to attack him from the cradle and beyond.
• The worst example that a father can demonstrate to a son is to live as a couch potato, fixated by the diversion from reality offered by images conveyed by tvand the plethora of electronic devices available today.
• Image says a lot to a child, especially a youth in their teens.
• To have a dad that is a waddling blob of inertia will probably engender a son in the same image. To have a dad who is fit, athletic and muscle-toned will, no doubt, produce a son in the same image—IFDad spends the time to help his son develop such a manly frame!
• There are three main aspects of a developing child’s life upon which Dad will have powerful impact.
• There’s the physical, which we have touched on here, and there are two other vital areas in which a father should take the lead in training up a son in the way he should go—the intellectual,and even more importantly, the spiritual!

·         Two Vital Areas

• In respect of the intellectualdevelopment of young men, we have to realize the power of the aggressive war that is taking place in our school systems for possession of the minds of our children and youth.
• As one observer of one of America’s top colleges put it, the curriculum included “the whole rancid agenda of political correctness with its intolerance, florid public obsession of sex, and pagan worship at the altar of environmentalism” (The New Criterion,June 2013).
• Add to this degrading of our education curricula two other phenomena—the move to education by electronic media and the pressure to become absorbed in efforts at “self-fulfillment”—and you have a recipe for reducing the intellectual capacity of each subsequent generation caught up in this trend.
• Stephen Bertman in his book, Cultural Amnesia,observes of this trend, “the exhilaration of technological speed and its efficacy lead people to value speed more than ever before, diminishing in their eyes the worth of activities that take time, including the time-consuming activity of learning.”
• The knowledge of what once demonstrated just what it was that set the real men apart from the boys is thus greatly diminished, for as Bertman muses, “Because computers are mostly adept at serving up the new, they will serve up the present at the expense of the past. … Computers can give us information …. What they cannot give us is a reason to value that past. … What they cannot give us is judgment or goodness.”
• One of the most manly examples in God’s Word is that of King David. Constantly, in psalm after psalm, this mighty, manly warrior-king of Israel asked God to give him judgment and goodness. Those aspects of character are really what marks out the real man and separates him from the mass of humanity as a true leader.
• In his book The Missing Dimension in Sex, Armstrong states, “Humans are endowed with minds. Humans were placed on Earth for the express purpseof developing godlike character—learning to make right decisions,with prayerful guidance from God and His Word, and to exercise the self-direction to rightly act on those decisions.”
• Before the denigration of real manhood in our society, there was a category of man called “gentlemen.”
• Gertrude Himmelfarb states that this was traditionally “a distinction of character rather than of class.” Thus, be he laborer, tradesman, businessman or lord, it was possible by his general behavior that any man could be classed as a true “gentleman.”
• Within that greatly derided era which today’s liberal socialists and revisionists are so prone to mock—the Victorian era—as the French philosopher Hyppolite Taine observed—a real “gentleman” was “a truly noble man, a man worthy to command, a disinterested man of integrity, capable of exposing, even sacrificing himself for those he leads.”
• Thus it is that we have to turn to Jesus Christ, who gave His life for all humankind, that they may gain inheritance with Him, as the very epitome in His human existence of true, godly manhood.
• With the teachings of mankind’s Savior being expunged from our education curricula, we have lost the truest example of manhood that we can ever teach our sons. Such a phenomena in today’s society means that we are even more strongly bound to teach and exemplify that example in our homes.
• This leads us to the third vital element in training up a son to be a real man—his spiritual

·         The Missing Dimension

• As Mr. Armstrong taught throughout his long ministry, there is a missing dimension in man. He often said that man is only “half there.”
• In his book The Missing Dimension in Sex, Armstrong states that God’s “purpose is the reproduction of His own kind—holy, righteous and perfect character in the divine Familyof the ever-living God! Humans, physically begotten and born through sex, may be spiritually begotten and divinely born of God—entering the eternally living God Family!”
• This is what Mr. Armstrong called the “missing dimension in knowledge.”
• This is, thus, the great missing dimension in educating our sons in today’s society about how to find their truerole today, that they may gain their ultimate role in the wonderful World Tomorrow—the coming millennial rule of this planet by Jesus Christ and the saints resurrected to glory to rule with Him.
• As we have observed, Jesus Christ was the very epitome of the God-given masculine role during His life in the flesh. It behooves every father and mother to teach that great reality to their sons!
• This world sadly lacks such examples of true Christ-like manliness. It is a world literally crying out for manly leadership!
• How often, as we observe the dominance of women in society do we ask, “Where are the men in Israel?”
• It is a fact that even in God’s Church, we too often see women dominating their men in marriage and family situations. Down through the ages the ways of society have had an insidious way of working their way into God’s Church. Witness the decade of liberalism which impacted the Church in the 1970s, something from which it never did fully recover—witness, in turn, the speed of the great falling away following Mr. Armstrong’s death (2 Thessalonians 2:3).
• God commanded the parents to teach His law and statutes to their children and to make them a talking point in the home, especially at morning and evening (Deuteronomy 6:7). The morning breakfast conversation sets the tone for the day. The evening conversation at the dinner table and at bedtime can be a reflection on the day’s events. These are great opportunities to embed true, Christ-like, manly thoughts in a young son’s mind, taking full advantage of these moments to paint a vision in your son’s mind as to his eternal future.
• These are the moments that will build true father-son bonds that will encourage your son to seek counsel from you when he meets the challenges of youth and young manhood in particular, the time when he has “put away childish things” (1 Corinthians 13:11).
• This planet needs as many godly men as God’s Church can produce.
• The Church needs them.
• It is incumbent on every parent of every lad in the Church to work hard to inculcate the true essence of godly manhood in their male offspring, thus enhancing the prospect of his manifesting that missing dimension in his life when God leads him by His goodness to repentance and real conversion to His way of life on the road to fulfilling his incredible human potential!

• Submission is something to be enjoyed.
• By Alex HarrisonFebruary 2007

• Marriage is a physical union but also a divine institution—meaning God Almighty stands back of it.
• Just as God has set offices in His Church for rulership and government (Ephesians 4:11), so He has set offices in the home.Most people are totally ignorant of this God-appointed chain of authority, hence they are unconsciously reaping the results of breaking those appointed laws.
• The major responsibility of a woman in marriage is to submit to her husband’s loving leadership. “Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord” (Ephesians 5:22).
• Submission is not something to be feared, but something to be enjoyed. Submission really is an attitude or frame of mind.
• When a woman submits to her husband, she recognizes that, just as Christ was subject to God and the Church is subject to Christ, so a woman ought to be subject to her husband.
• By this attitude and action, she is saying, I believe God has arranged the structure of marriage in harmony with the highest principles of the universe.
• In submission, she is saying God has placed her husband above her, not to be superior to her, but to be her spiritual covering and protection. As a woman responds to her husband’s leadership and submitsto it, she enjoys protection and fulfillment in the position God designed for her to enjoy!
• Through this divine law of marriage, God is able to reach deeply into the life of a woman and provide her with the fulfillment she needs.
• However, it is one thing to believe the scriptural principle of submission and another to live it.
• Let us look, therefore, at some keys of submission:
• Key 1: The wife should transfer to the husband the responsibility of final decisions.
• She has an obligation to provide him with the benefits of her perspective, yet always leaving the final decision to him. A wife should nevernag at her husband. If she feels he is making a serious mistake, then she should take that to a higher office—God—or, when applicable, God’s ministry.
• When a woman gives her opinion, she should strive to ensure emotion is not leading her. Proverbs 31:26 shows that the law of kindness needs to be in her words.
• Key 2: The wife should give her husband due respect.
• Any of us can focus on faults—we all have them. From time to time, strive to pay compliments, thanking him for his efforts in providing for you and the family.
• Hardly anything is too big for a husband to achieve if he has his wife’s support, admiration and respect, and her backing his role with her own.
• Key 3: The wife must use wisdom in handling family finances.
• Study Proverbs 31:11, 16, 24. When money is in short supply—as indeed it can be from time to time—a wife’s attitude toward the problem is very important. Here is when your supporting role is so necessary. Ensure you do not enter the credit card trap—spending tomorrow’smoney today—to “solve” the problem.
• Key 4: The wife should ask herself, “Do I assume leadership that is not within my role?”
• This can be a trap due to not fully understanding each other’s responsibilities. Ensure you encourage your husband’s leadership. Let him know you enjoy his masterful handling of the family affairs with love. Always endeavor to make your compliments sincere and heartfelt.
• One of the most important ways to encourage your man to lead is to be a good follower.
• Key 5: Be determined to obey God in your role.
• Carefully study 1 Peter 3:1-6, 8. When you submit to your husband, you are in fact submitting to God!
• Consider the fact that God, in placing your husband in the leadership position, had your total interests as well as your husband’s in mind.
• A rebellious or resistant wife hinders God!
• God is in final control; He will not allow any harm to come to you as you submit.
• In Isaiah’s End-Time Vision, Gerald Flurry wrote: “When there are marital problems, generally both parties are to blame. The biggest problem the wives have is submitting to their husbands. I have been in the ministry over 30 years. In many marriage-counseling sessions, I have noticed that the wives are zealous and excel in numerous marital responsibilities. But many wives cause some serious problems in their marriages. The root cause with the women is usually their not submitting to their husbands as God commands. Their problem is with God’s marital government and the law on which it is based.”
• The woman’s role is God-given. When a man and wife actively live their roles, they become one.
• Live your role, and eat from the tree of life in your marriage. Think on these things.
• From the Archives: “Tree of Life Marriage, Part Three” Philadelphia News,February 2007

: The Bible does not mention masturbation or state whether or not masturbation is a sin. The passage most frequently associated with masturbation is the story of Onan in Genesis 38:9–10. Some interpret this passage to say that “spilling your seed” is a sin. However, that is not what the passage is saying. God condemned Onan not for “spilling his seed” but because Onan was rebellious. Onan refused to fulfill his duty to provide an heir for his deceased brother. The passage is not about masturbation but about fulfilling a family obligation.

A second passage sometimes used as evidence that masturbation is a sin is Matthew 5:27–30. Jesus speaks against having lustful thoughts and then says, “If your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away.” While there is clearly a connection between lustful thoughts and masturbation, it is unlikely that Jesus was alluding to the specific sin of masturbation in this passage.

The Bible nowhere explicitly states that masturbation is a sin, but there is no question that the actions that usually lead to masturbation can be  sinful.

Pornography  and bad  thoughts like in Matthew 5, 28: ²⁸ But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart…. are sin, but the masturbation as itself not. It has the potential to guide us to sin and to make as depend, but it must not. It is up to us.

Bible Verses About Divorce-Divorce is mentioned several times in the Old and New Testament, as God hates divorce, and there are very few exceptions where divorce is allowed in Scripture.

Use our bible verses by topic page which lists popular verses from the Old and New Testament.

Matthew 5:31-32

 

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31 “It has been said, ‘Anyone who divorces his wife must give her a certificate of divorce.’ 32 But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, makes her the victim of adultery, and anyone who marries a divorced woman commits adultery.

 

Mark 10:2-12

 

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2 Some Pharisees came and tested him by asking, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife?” 3 “What did Moses command you?” he replied. 4 They said, “Moses permitted a man to write a certificate of divorce and send her away.” 5 “It was because your hearts were hard that Moses wrote you this law,” Jesus replied. 6“But at the beginning of creation God ‘made them male and female.’ 7 ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, 8 and the two will become one flesh.’So they are no longer two, but one flesh. 9 Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.” 10 When they were in the house again, the disciples asked Jesus about this. 11 He answered, “Anyone who divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery against her. 12 And if she divorces her husband and marries another man, she commits adultery.”

 

Luke 16:18

 

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18 “Anyone who divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery, and the man who marries a divorced woman commits adultery.

 

1 Corinthians 7:39

 

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39 A woman is bound to her husband as long as he lives. But if her husband dies, she is free to marry anyone she wishes, but he must belong to the Lord.

 

Ephesians 5:33

 

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33 However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

 

Matthew 19:6-7

 

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6 So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.” 7“Why then,” they asked, “did Moses command that a man give his wife a certificate of divorce and send her away?”

 

Romans 7:2-3

 

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2 For example, by law a married woman is bound to her husband as long as he is alive, but if her husband dies, she is released from the law that binds her to him. 3 So then, if she has sexual relations with another man while her husband is still alive, she is called an adulteress. But if her husband dies, she is released from that law and is not an adulteress if she marries another man.

 

Deuteronomy 22:19

 

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19 They shall fine him a hundred shekels of silver and give them to the young woman’s father, because this man has given an Israelite virgin a bad name. She shall continue to be his wife; he must not divorce her as long as he lives.

 

Jeremiah 3:1

 

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1 “If a man divorces his wife and she leaves him and marries another man, should he return to her again? Would not the land be completely defiled? But you have lived as a prostitute with many lovers— would you now return to me?” declares the LORD.

 

Malachi 2:16

 

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16 “The man who hates and divorces his wife,” says the LORD, the God of Israel, “does violence to the one he should protect,” says the LORD Almighty. So be on your guard, and do not be unfaithful.

 

Matthew 1:19

 

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19 Because Joseph her husband was faithful to the law, and yet did not want to expose her to public disgrace, he had in mind to divorce her quietly.

 

1 Corinthians 7:11-13

 

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11 But if she does, she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband. And a husband must not divorce his wife. 12 To the rest I say this (I, not the Lord): If any brother has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to live with him, he must not divorce her. 13 And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him.

 

Jeremiah 3:8

 

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8 I gave faithless Israel her certificate of divorce and sent her away because of all her adulteries. Yet I saw that her unfaithful sister Judah had no fear; she also went out and committed adultery.

 

Isaiah 50:1

 

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1 This is what the LORD says: “Where is your mother’s certificate of divorce with which I sent her away? Or to which of my creditors did I sell you? Because of your sins you were sold; because of your transgressions your mother was sent away.

 

Deuteronomy 24:1-4

 

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1 If a man marries a woman who becomes displeasing to him because he finds something indecent about her, and he writes her a certificate of divorce, gives it to her and sends her from his house, 2 and if after she leaves his house she becomes the wife of another man, 3 and her second husband dislikes her and writes her a certificate of divorce, gives it to her and sends her from his house, or if he dies, 4 then her first husband, who divorced her, is not allowed to marry her again after she has been defiled. That would be detestable in the eyes of the LORD. Do not bring sin upon the land the LORD your God is giving you as an inheritance.

 

Matthew 19:8-9

 

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8 Jesus replied, “Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning. 9 I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery.”

 

Hebrews 13:4

 

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4 Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral.

 

Romans 7:3

 

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3 So then, if she has sexual relations with another man while her husband is still alive, she is called an adulteress. But if her husband dies, she is released from that law and is not an adulteress if she marries another man.

 

Explicit Divorce Allowances

The Bible only explicitly allows divorce for two reasons. Köstenberger, who is also the President of Biblical Foundations, summarizes: “Jesus proceeded to state one exception in which case divorce is permissible: sexual immorality on [the] part of one’s spouse, that is, in context, adultery (Matthew 19:9).” Köstenberger clarifies, “In such a case, however, divorce is not mandated or even encouraged—forgiveness and reconciliation should be extended and pursued if at all possible. But divorce is allowed, especially in cases where the sinning spouse persists in an adulterous relationship.”

Köstenberger goes on to note, “Paul adds a second exception, in instances where an unbelieving spouse abandons the marriage. This would typically be the case when one of the two partners is converted to Christ at some point after marrying and the other person refuses to continue in the marriage” (see 1 Corinthians 7).

What About Domestic Abuse?

Keener sees these explicit statements as applicable more broadly to other situations that may not be directly mentioned by Scripture. He says, “If a husband is beating his wife, that would certainly seem to be to violate the ‘one flesh’ union. If he were beating himself, we’d recommend psychiatric help; if he is beating his wife, who is supposed to be one flesh with him, he is certainly not treating her as one flesh.”

Keener goes on to add, “Now, I don’t want to let that be an excuse for people to opt out of their marriages—someone saying, she abuses me (because she doesn’t laugh at my jokes) or he abuses me (because we had an argument). Even the patriarchs in Genesis had disagreements (for example, Jacob and Rachel in Genesis 30:1–2),” Keener points out. “But there does come a point where discretion is the better part of valor. Some people are too ready to grasp for that point; others wait much longer than they should. Jesus told those persecuted for his name to flee from one city to another to escape persecution (Matthew 10:23), and sometimes the apostles did so (Acts 14:5–6). It is heartless to make someone remain in an abusive situation.”

Köstenberger is more cautious, arguing that while “the Bible displays a pervasive concern for justice and is concerned with protecting the vulnerable, it also teaches that believers can glorify God by bearing up under unjust suffering. This calls for wisdom and balance: Certainly we should do everything we can to protect victims of abuse while at the same time respecting the marriage bond and not dissolving it lightly.”

Jones, who is the author of Faithful: A Theology of Sex, brings a broad conceptual view to biblical teachings on divorce. She says, “In Matthew 19:9, Jesus forbids divorce ‘except for unchastity.’” She explains, “When a spouse breaks the marriage covenant through sexual sin—porneia—there are biblical grounds for divorce. Divorce is not, of course, required in such cases, but it is permissible. I see this as a way that Jesus protects us in a world torn apart by sin. Because we are precious to God, we are not required to stay in a marriage when we have been betrayed through porneia.”

It is worth mentioning that many Bible interpreters see porneia here as referring only to sexual sin against one’s spouse, but Jones believes it can be understood more generally: “If we put porneia into the larger biblical context, we see that it is any violation of God’s intentions for lasting, faithful ‘one flesh’ union. Porneia certainly includes adultery, because adultery violates the one flesh union. But porneia can also include violence or abuse against one’s spouse because to abuse one’s spouse is also to violate that one flesh union.” Jones emphasizes, “If committing violence against the one who is supposed to be ‘one flesh’ with you isn’t a violation of God’s intentions for marriage as a faithful, one flesh union, I don’t know what is.”

Chronic “Hardness of Heart”

Christian counselor and author of The Emotionally Destructive Marriage, Leslie Vernickbelieves there is a strong biblical warrant for allowing people to experience consequences for their sin (see 1 Corinthians 5:9–12; James 5:19–20; Galatians 6:7). While she affirms the sanctity of marriage, Vernick explains her view that safety may be more important to God than absolute loyalty to one’s spouse under all circumstances (see 1 Samuel 18–31; Matthew 2:13–15; Luke 14:5). Vernick believes that “chronic hardness of heart” is grounds for divorce when there is “a serious sin issue, a serious breach of the marital bond, a serious trust breakdown . . . and there is no repentance or willingness to look at that and how that’s affected the marital bond and the bond of trust.” While some biblical interpreters may not agree with her conclusions, Vernick draws upon Moses’ allowance for divorce cited by Jesus in Matthew 19:8 to support this viewpoint.

In her work with women who are experiencing such situations, Vernick first counsels a wake-up call conversation with their husbands, followed by separation if the husband fails to turn from his sin. A separation of this sort, undertaken with the support of wise counsel, clarifies the destructive consequences of sinful habits and could have the potential to lead to eventual healing and restoration.

Vernick emphasizes that there is a difference between a difficult or disappointing marriage and a destructive marriage. She points out that we must not seek divorce simply because we are not getting everything we want out of our marriages: “We have such high expectations—no one can live up to that. When you’re disappointed in your spouse because they’re not as romantic or ambitious or as spiritual or as handy or whatever it is that you wanted out of that marriage, and you’re disappointed and you see somebody else who’s got those qualities, you begin to become contemptuous or critical or disappointed . . . instead of being grateful and appreciative of what you do have.” Vernick believes a disappointing or difficult marriage is not grounds for divorce but rather is grounds for faithfulness.

What About a Past Divorce?

If you are reading this article and you’ve been divorced, you may be wrestling with your own questions or feelings of guilt—particularly if you’ve concluded that your divorce was not biblically grounded. It is easy to become weighed down by the shame of past mistakes. Sometimes there are abiding consequences in relationships with others, but before God, “If we confess our sins to him, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all wickedness” (1 John 1:9).

“Repentance usually doesn’t mean we get to do things over again; often it is too late to get a second chance with the same person, especially if one party has remarried,” Keener observes. “But it does mean that we make restitution as best as possible, confessing and doing whatever is possible to make things right with the people involved, including spouse, children, or anyone else affected by it.”

Vernick says, “Really messing up badly and understanding grace is the most beautiful thing that can happen.” She adds that we can show God our gratitude for his grace by learning from our mistakes. As we experience God’s grace for our failures or sins, it transforms us into more gracious people who readily extend God’s mercy and compassion to others.

Navigating the Tension

Within the church we see various responses to tough marital struggles. Some may counsel for divorce too hastily, advising couples to forgo the difficult peaks and valleys that are part of any marriage and, in essence, ignoring the high value the Bible places on the marriage commitment. Meanwhile others may respond with legalism, pressuring fellow Christians to stay in marriages that are clearly destructive and unsafe.

There are no cookie-cutter answers to some of these difficult questions. The tension remains: Marriage is a lifelong commitment that is only broken for the most severe reasons. When a Christian is wrestling with a marriage that may be irreparable, sometimes the best we can do is seek God’s guidance in Scripture, talk with trusted friends who know the situation well, and pray together for the Spirit’s guidance.

Let’s strive to be a Christian community that treats marriage with respect and honors it as a lifelong commitment, but let’s also reach out to protect the vulnerable and mistreated. Only as we stay engaged with the whole Word of God can we navigate this tension.

Rebecca Florence Miller is a freelance writer and editor, and a blogger at Patheos. You can also find her at RebeccaFlorenceMiller.wordpress.com and on Twitter at @flatheadmama.

Wrestling with Divorce?

https://www.christianitytoday.com/women/2016/april/when-does-bible-allow-divorce.html

Pro-abortionists try to “dehumanize” unborn children by referring to them as merely “lumps of tissue” or “products of conception”; however, biblically, as well as biologically, you and I are unique human beings from the moment of conception. The result of conception (the “product” that is conceived) is known as a baby, as Scripture (and science) tells us:

“The babies jostled each other within her.” (Genesis 25:22)

“When Elizabeth heard Mary’s greeting, the baby leaped in her womb.” (Luke 1:41)

Some abortion supporters go so far as to claim that early religions did not bar abortion—a claim that is contrary to the truth. God speaks very clearly on the value of the unborn in the Scriptures, the basis for both the Jewish and Christian faiths.

“…biblically, as well as biologically, you and I are unique human beings from the moment of conception.”

Each Life Is of Value

God’s Word says that He personally made each one of us, and has a plan for each life:

“Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart.” (Jeremiah 1:5)

For You created my inmost being; You knit me together in my mother’s womb…Your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in Your book before one of them came to be. (Psalm 139:13,16)

“Your hands shaped me and made me . . . Did You not clothe me with skin and flesh and knit me together with bones and sinews? You gave me life.” (Job 10:8–12)

This is what the Lord says—He who made you, who formed you in the womb. (Isaiah 44:2)

“Did not He who made me in the womb make them? Did not the same One form us both within our mothers?” (Job 31:15)

Because man is made in God’s own image (Genesis 1:27), each life is of great value to God: “Children are a gift from God” (Psalm 127:3). He even calls our children His own: “You took your sons and daughters whom you bore to Me and sacrificed them…You slaughtered My children” (Ezekiel 16:20,21).

Taking Innocent Life Is Murder

The Bible says of our Creator, “In His hand is the life of every living thing and the breath of every human being” (Job 12:10). God, the giver of life, commands us not to take the life of an innocent person: “Do not shed innocent blood” (Jeremiah 7:6), and He warns us, “Cursed is the man who accepts a bribe to kill an innocent person” (Deuteronomy 27:25). The Sixth Commandment, written in stone by the finger of God, commands, “You shall not murder” (Exodus 20:13).

“God speaks very clearly on the value of the unborn in the Scriptures, the basis for both the Jewish and Christian faiths.”

The unborn baby is undeniably alive and growing, and taking its life is clearly murder, as the prophet Jeremiah points out: “He did not kill me in the womb, with my mother as my grave” (Jeremiah 20:17). God vowed to punish those who “ripped open the women with child” (Amos 1:13). In ancient Israel, the unborn child was granted equal protection in the law; if he lost his life, the one who caused his death must lose his own life: “If men who are fighting hit a pregnant woman and she gives birth prematurely but there is no serious injury, the offender must be fined . . .But if there is serious injury, you are to take life for life” (Exodus 21:22,23).

According to the Scriptures, God, Jews, and Christians unanimously agree: Life is a gift created by God, and is not to be taken away by abortion. God is “pro-choice,” but He tells us clearly the only acceptable choice to make:

“I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Now choose life, so that you and your children may live.” (Deuteronomy 30:19)

Lynn Copeland

Lynn Copeland has served as the editor for Living Waters since 2000, and is the president of Genesis Publishing Group, where she edits, designs, and produces books to impact eternity. She started in publishing at an early age and discovered red ink is in her blood. Though she attended college majoring in aeronautical engineering, God had other plans, and since coming to know the Lord she has had a passion for producing evangelistic resources. Lynn and her husband, Mike, have been married 29 years and live in Oklahoma.